Post Secret Sunday.

I like to read celebrity gossip blogs because I feel like my life has no shareable gossip. Plus, it makes me feel better about myself.

Tienen Hambre.

I am mighty hungry right about now. And that turkey leg looks pretty good. It makes me wanna drive down to Disneyland and get one of those succulently roasted $6 turkey leg. GARLGHGHHH..... [<- basically doing what Homer Simpson does]. MmMmM... but NO! I must not. It's too late, I wouldn't be able to digest it tonight and it's midnight. I must not give in. I'll drink my water and go to sleep.

But it looks sooooo good!

Good Afternoons!

I must say that today I had a very good afternoon. Not meaning, "Good afternoon," the greeting, but the afternoon that was genuinely good. This morning started out tough, had an exam that I studied for all weekend. But went to psych (by myself because Ray was studying instead), and I saw the hot T.A. Then Regina and I decided to go have lunch at Elephant Bar and at the corner of Holloway and Juniperro Serra, I saw Monick and Uncle Eric. And he gave us a ride to my car! Holler for laziness! I ate good food, and got a cute, fashionably cheap dress from Forever 21 (err... XXI). I don't know what I am going to wear it for, but it's cheap and cute! Anyways, Regina and I saw some really cute shoes at Payless... and I wanted them, but none were my size plus I had no money! Its koo tho... cuz I went to class even I didn't want to and the teacher goes up to me and said that she really liked my paper and that it was really good. I knew it was okay, not THAT okay. Woo for surprises! Then I returned my jacket at H&M because it was too similar to my other one. I'd rather have more diversity in my closet! When I returned it, I got it 30% off but they gave the full price back! The girl noticed it too, and I don't know why the computer gave it back in full. So basically, I made a profit! My mom said that that's stealing, but the girl noticed the receipt. Maybe I should be a good girl and give it back... maybe. But hey, I have money now...

Walk on by.

One of the most favorite past times I developed in college was watching people. Having been on campus with so many people, you sort of just cannot help but TO look at people. You look at what they're wearing, if it's cute or not. You see if they took time to get ready, or just got up and went to class. You notice if they try to look presentable or look like they are about to go to the club. You examine how they walk and carry themselves. But most of all you notice how their face looks. "She's cute." Or, "wow... he's mighty fine!" A little bit of "WOAH... why are you so hot?!" And every-so-often the "Oh my gosh... did you see her face (hand gesture around the face), what's wrong with it?"
Watching people has become a, sort of, past time because when I'm by myself, with my own thoughts, I wonder who the people around me are? I don't know them and I probably never will. But if you look enough, and have that same route, you tend to see the same people on those specific days. Don't take me wrong, I am no stalker. But looking at people is satisfactory to me. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's sad. Othertimes it is a bit awkward. Or it is rewarding. You see that girl with "meat" on her back, or the guy in the bookstore. How about the guy you see in government class? Or the girl who parks where you park everyday, and walks down from Junipero Serra to HSS with you. The guy in the hat. The guy from your friend's gym. The girl who dates someone you know. Or that clique you can always see together.
I think that watching people walk on by gives me a perception of where I am, and who I am. I know how I dress, and what I can probably be perceived as. It's a game that changes everyday as you observe the life around you. (I must say once again, I am no stalker... it's just a game!)

I wear my sunglasses as you walk on by.

"Let me take you down...

"... cause Im going to
Strawberry fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever."

Selene imported the Love album by the Beatles last night, and now this song is really stuck in my head. I actually am listening to it right now, for the 4th time since I sat down to write this. It's a great song, but the blog is not going to be about this blog alone. Perhaps is may be a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

What's been going on in my life? Hmm... let's see. School, I'm really nervous... I'm going to apply for the nursing program this month and I am really nervous. I know for a fact that I am most definetly NOT getting into the program, but a little part of me wants the school to make a mistake and pick me. Stupid GPA isn't a 3.7. I disappointed myself. And right now I am not doing as well in school as I want. But it's so hard balancing so many classes. I have to finish writing my english paper by tonight [It's also Tiff's birthday party, I highly doubt I can make it, well maybe for an hour]. Then afterwards I want to study for my physio lab midterm and sociology midterm, which are both on Tuesday. I really hope I get A's on both, I need the GPA boost.

Besides school, I am having fun getting free movie screenings. I got three so far, but I only watched two: Dan in Real Life & Lars and the Real Girl. I didn't notice that they both had life in their title. They were both good movies, but Lars was really REALLY good. Ryan Gosling is such a great actor. He has stepped it up since Mickey Mouse Club and Breaker High.

Let's see, my spiritual life has been going. Neither up nor down. I feel like I am at a steady pace, and that is not where I want to be. I'd rather be going up. But the Bible study last night reacquainted me with the verse from the book of John 3:30:

He must increase. But I must decrease.

I spoke out last night, and I know it was His words that came out of my mouth because when I stop to realize what I said, it hit me. What I said was in response to the passages that we read, stating that we are free people but we should not take advantage of this. And that when are invited to a feast, we don't seat ourselves next to them and boast about ourselves. And I think that THAT is where Christians go hazy. What I had said last night was that we ARE NOT humbled enough, and that we ARE NOT worthy to be seated beside Him. Here we go, being selfish everyday, thinking about what I WANT, what I FEEL, what I NEED. I need to do this... I need to get that... I... I... I... me... me... me. And here comes Christ, dying for our sins so that we can spend eternity with Him. He thought of us first, and we respond with what we else we want. We are his servants. He didn't make us His slaves, forcing us to do his every tasks. He gave us a choice in life, the only thing he asks is to love and bring glory to His name....

***CONTINUATION***

What we were learning was to be humble. We dissected the part of Psalm 23:3, "He guides me in paths of righteousness for His names sake." We do things for HIS name sake, so that we can be righteous. How so? I see it as doing things for Him, so that He is accredited properly because we as human are not able to do things on our own. God gives us the strength, the knowledge and the talents to do things. We in ourselves may find joy through it, and that is what God wants, but who are we to take credit for something that we didn't do ourselves. It's a bit selfish. How can we be selfish with a God who is selfless. WOW... I do that all the time. I am selfish. I like the bring attention to what I had accomplished. It feels good. But I didn't do it on my own. God allowed me to be sucessful, or he allowed me to fail. I usually only see Him when I fail because when I did it "on my own," I feel all powerful. I need to be humbled. And I pray that is what those out there do as well. We, of course, cannot say that "I am humble," because the moment that you do, you become proud. I pray that I, and others out there can be humbled before God. He sent His ONE AND ONLY son to die one of the most horrible deaths, the only way to repay is by just glorifying Him in all we do. He did put us here for a reason, and allowed us to keep on going. Yes... those are my two cents. What are yours?

Stealing Internet.

I am currently at work, writing a blog. And usually people can do that, but my office doesn't have internet. But thanks to Dr. Pia for her laptop and CManalo (related to Allen?) for having an unsecured network, I am here able to write. Man, I am excited. I have an info session for the BSN program at Canada @ 4 and hopefully I can make connections there through my dad. AND... I got a free screening for the movie Lars and the Real Girl. I have been wanting to watch this and KOO-KOO-KAH-CHOO a free screening was emailed to me. It was weird though cuz it was from this Christian movie/media thing but anyways, IT'S FREE. I have been getting a lot of free screenings lately. But yeah. Alrighty going back to work...

Ahhhh poooperz.

Today is Tuesday, my longest school day of the week. I usually have Contemporary Sex at 8-9:25, then I go home or stay at school with Regina and Ray. And then I have Physio lab at 2-5 then Sociology at City, 6-9. BUT... today I was supposed to go stay at school and have chinese with Regina, Ray, Marisol and maybe Anjie (I usually don't stay so i don't know everyone's schedule). But I didn't finish my lab report so I had to go home and finish it. So from 10-1:15, I did my lab report. And I did my make-up, I was looking mighty scary after staring at a screen for 3 hours, and headed off to class. (Might I add that God let traffic clear for me and gave me all-day parking!) So I came into class late, and LO & BEHOLD... all we had to do was turn in our lab. "Great! What am I going to do for a good 4 hours!" is what I said to my lab partner. But it's okay, I got to know my lab partner more, and i now have a possible study group. Woot. So I sit in the MAC (media access center), checking my e-mail and writing this blog because I forgot that I can't do my nutrition homework without internet explorer (btw I'm using a mac). I would take a picture for you readers out there, but there are too many people around me to open the photobooth. alrighty then... here is something I have not said in years:

Ta-ta for now,
Ti-ti for later!

Stupid MySpace.

Everytime I sign onto myspace, I get distracted. Be it homework or anything else. But one thing that bugs me most isn't myspace, it's the fact that some people, some persons, are given chances. And I guess that when a chance is given, after multiple times, there is some sort of expectation. Well that is what I had, an expectation. That they would be able to hear me out, make me laugh, be a friend. But apparently that's just "too much to ask." BOO-HOO. I'm not sad, but more like irritated. I guess that's what you get for being a sucker. GAH! It's okay... there are other things, people, that will make me happy. God will bless me with the happiness I need! But I am happy!

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

I know I've posted this picture before, but it was the only heart-felt birthday picture in which all the cousins (at the time) were in. Well, Happy Birthday Grandpa! It would have been your 91st birthday! I still cannot believe you are not celebrating here with us, but who am I to be sad. If anything I should be jealous, you are spending your birthday in happiness, for you are with our Father in Heaven. WOOT WOOT.... high five grandpa! Well, I haven't blogged in a week [that deserves a wo-wo-wee-wo-wo in my book] because I have been mucho busy with school, church and bahay stuff. Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

"I want to hold your hand..."

So on Friday, I watched Across the Universe. And I must say that it was artistically beautiful. Not only was it a musical, which I tend to love, but it was shot in a beautful way. It's movie that takes place in America during the time of the Vietnam war, so you know it was during those anti-war, hippie, drugs and alcohol days. HAHA... "pink punch." I watched the movie again with Selene, being her 4th time, and the rest of the youth group. UMM... just to let you know beforehand, this isn't really a family movie, there is some nudity and drug references. Other than that, the movie got me singing and wanting the soundtrack + the Love album by the Beatles. "I want to hold your haa-aa-aand.... I want to hold your hand." I highly recommend this movie if you appreciate musicals, wonderfully done scenes and love stories. And I end it with this (there was a correction, it's not coo-coo-cachoo):

I am the walrus.
goo goo g'joob
goo goo goo g'joob

(Sorry I have the same picture as you, Regina. I couldn't find another one.)

Taking a breather.

OVERLOADED TOO MUCH THIS SEMESTER! Since when did I become such a square. I have a paper due at 8 am tomorrow, in which I have not started. I haven't started because I'm busy studying for my nutrition exam which I have to take today before midnight. Oh my guli. Not only am I overloaded on homework, I missing my favorite tv show just so I can finish up with my slides... HEROES... don't worry I will watch you tomorrow. I will blog about JT concert later, all I can say is: beautifully awesome.

HAY SWEET CHA CHA!

LOL. I just looked at Sharee's myspace, now I can't get rid of saying "sweet Cha Chat" outta my head. SO, after butt-tired-frickin-long day yesterday, I slept for a good 13 hours. Yes I did. Now I'm lazy as ever, excited for Justin tomorrow but sad cuz I have so much homework to do. blahhhh. Okay, I will do my english, then type up my lab assignment, do my nutrition, and then write my sex paper. That's pretty much it. God, please let me be able to do this all!

Sighs of relief.

I have this diamond ring that my mom gave me, which used to be hers back when my dad gave it to her when they were dating. I always wear it on my right ring finger and I usually only take it off when I shower. However, I woke up late for school this morning and I left it on the window sill, above the toilet. I came home this morning after class wondering wear it was. My finger felt naked without it. It wasn't in the window sill anymore. So I went on to my next two classes later that afternoon, still worrying about where it was. "My mom is going to kill me. I hella love that ring!" I got home from school and rummaged throughout the bathroom. Garbage, no. Plant on toilet, no. Make-up bag, no. Sink area, no. Floor, no. Under rug, no. I went on to my bedroom. Nowhere. Suddenly, I remembered that when my dad sees that my jewelry (usually that ring) out, he takes it and pute it in their jewelry drawer in their room. I knocked on my mom's door, anxiously. Gio unlocked the door, yes he still sleeps with my parents, and I looked into the drawer. I panikced for a quick second and I saw it in the corner. (SIGGHHHHH) I slipped it on my right ring finger and I headed back to my room.

PAR-TAY!!!!

So there's this schindig at my house in Pacifica (not what the flyer says... it's in fairmont!) Let me know if you wanna come so I can make sure you get fed!

Why am I such a square?

When did I did become an L7 weeny?! This stupid semester is gonna get to me. I swear all I do is go to school and study. AND YET, I cannot finish or get caught up with my readings. I'm behind in nutrition lectures by one week (it's an online course and the lectures are posted by the week). I have a physiology and psychology exam on Friday. I need to finish my homework, study and plan for the youth party which is this Friday (ya'll are welcome to attend, E:3 will be playing!). GAHHHH!!!! I'm frustrated with school. God please let me be able to manage my time properly.

Okay... I need to have a list of THINGS TO DO:

1. Finish my english homework (resume, cover letter and reader pgs. 66-70)
2. Lectures 3 and 4 of Nutrition
3. Read and study for physiology (Ch. 1-4: EXAM FRIDAY!)
4. Fast for physio lab (four hours: 10-2)
5. Set line-up with Ate Joy
6. Discuss food for Friday with Selene and Ate Joy
7. Study for sociology (Ch. 1-3: EXAM TUESDAY!)
8. Study for psychology (EXAM FRIDAY!)
9. Do Quiz #2 for physio

As Tracy Morgan says in Totally Awesome, "Hah. Hah. WOW!" Um, pray that I don't fail my tests! My sociololgy test is open note, so I should be fine in that. But other than that, I need to concentrate on studying. I think I will be in the library all day at school tomorrow. WOW... can I get an "L-7-WEEEEENYYYYYY!"

Smelling the good.

BOYEEEE am I mad. Well not mad, but disappointed. INTERNET... why do you let me love you, yet you screw me over?! So I had my online exam, and I did it and I studied all Monday afternoon with it. With nervousness, I opened the exam. "I think I know this?" and "Oh! That's in my notes!" were the words that I uttered as I took the exam. Just as I tried to save my answers, the page was "not found." AWW POOP! "Please tell me I can go back!!!" When I did, it said that my exam was recieved. PHEW! But when I check the class website today, a grade was NOT posted for my first exam. So I emailed the teacher, asking whether or not she recieved me test or she just didn't post it. But it turned out that she didn't get it. She claims that "it happens to at least one student every exam." WHY ME?! I studied so hard! She claims to drop the lowest test score because of this problem. BUT I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!!!!!!!

Whatever. But as I got mad, I looked down at the shirt I was wearing today. I got it at Battlecry 06. It's from Deuteronomy 20:4,

For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.

You sneaky devil, you. I was distracted. But although I am really concentrated on school, the enemy can't bring me down. I would usually be really sad about this... but I am not because will help me recover. Maybe I should challenge the teacher? I don't know... AHH I'm still mad, but it's okay. My iPod is on shuffle and Super Trouper by ABBA just came on, now I feel much happier. I guess God is just trying to stop me from being so busy. And He wants me to take a step back from what I am doing and see Him first. Maybe he wants me to stop and smell the roses He created. "God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.

One legged birds.

While walking in the parking lot to my sociology class at City College, I walked by this bird and it looked like it only had one leg. I suddenly remembered that bird that Regina and I had seen in Centennial Square at State our freshman year. We had seen a one-legged bird and we wanted to find it again! As I walked forward, I opened my phone to call Regina, but I decided to go back to the bird to confirm. I couldn't tell for sure, so I tried to scare the bird so that I would see its other leg. However to my disappointment, the bird had 2 legs. "Darn." I closed my phone and headed off to class with a slightly sad heart.

Boredness @ school.

I have an exam today in my online class. I don't have the book yet, amazon seller didn't send it until last Friday. So I have to take my exam without a book. At least I can have my notes and powerpoint open. Anyways, so I wanted to go study for my exam but the only way you can do that is through Internet Explorer for some odd reason. The library seems to not use Internet Explorer, probably because of the viruses you are able to get. So I went to the library for nothing. I'm just going to bring my laptop next time. I knew I should have. So because of my boredness, I went to the Media Access Center on the third floor just to take these pictures... this is what I do at school. [iHEARTmacs!]

AHHHAA... school is just too cool.

One year: September 17th, 2006

Last summer, my grandpa had gotten really thin, then really sick. It was weird having to go visit him in the hospital and then a rehab center. Every other or two Saturdays, I would leave work early to go visit my grandpa at Eskaton, in Sacramento. I usually only went if my cousins were going. But now I'm ashamed to say that. I spent time with him, but not intimately everytime I saw him. I shoulda spent more time with him. I should have asked him more about how HE grew up. But grandpa was that type of person who kept to himself. Despite the shouting of all the aunties, uncles, cousins and Grandma, he listened to what going on around him, quietly.

My dad usually works graveyard, 4pm - 12 or 2 am. But the night of September 14th, Thursday, he took off early, saying that grandpa was really sick. So he and my mom were off the Roseville's Kaiser Hospital. They came back early that morning, when me brother's and I were sleeping. I had never thought much of it. Grandpa was My Superman. He was turning 90, with no previous sicknesses. There's no way Grandpa's sickness was THAT serious. He was too strong for all of that.

Friday came along, right after school my parents, my brothers and I headed up to Roseville. It seemed like forever, getting through traffic, parking the car in the garage, then walking over to the hospital itself. It was a nice hospital, fairly new. But we were heading to the floor where people were really sick. And then I saw grandpa, lying on his back in bed with his knees bent. He was in so much pain, and that was his only comfortable position. He didn't have his dentures in, and when I greeted him, he smiled and waved me out the door. I stood outside talking with Joe. Everyone left and then Mike came with Uncle D, Auntie Agnes and Sam. We talked and my dad said that we should pray for him to get better. We drove back home that night to San Francisco.

Saturday morning the youth were just about to start Purpose Driven Life, and although it was driven by games and the word of God, all I could think about was Grandpa. "Lord please be with him right now. Please let him be okay. Let Your healing hand work on him.... please Lord." After Bible study, my family and I got some clothes ready (just in case) and headed back to the hospital. While the parents were in the room, the cousins stayed in the waiting room. Then it was getting late, and they took Grandma home... only for her and everyone in the family to be called to the hospital IMMEDIATELY. Grandpa was sent to the ICU, and we couldn't do anything about it. I sat helpless in the waiting room by myself as everyone checked on him... left with my thoughts and prayers. Hours had gone by, it was 2 am. The older cousins had gone to eat at a diner, the chain one I cannont think of right now. We talked and laughed about the good times and enjoyed being with one another. I felt better having eaten, only to be sent to go sleep at Jess' house. All the cousins and grandma were sent to sleep as the parents took shifts at who would stay. It was early AM.

We were then called back by my dad, saying that we need to go to the hospital. The siblings [my dad and his siblings] were talking to the doctor, so Jess and I were sent to go get breakfast for everyone. Only to come back with the whole family in a waiting room. A doctor was asked to come in the room. The TV was on, but put in mute. The chairs were arranged like beds. Mike had his phone on speaker with Kristie. The doctor spoke of what was happening to grandpa... infection... ya ya ya. Then he said something that still brings tears to my eyes whenever I think about it. He said that grandpa only had a few hours to a day left to live. The antibiotics were just slowing the process. Liana, right next to me, cried on my shoulder. I took a few seconds longer to grasp the concept... but then I was soon embracing my younger cousin.

Grandpa. No... you can't be dying. You can't be. Your family needs you! I need you to be here. I was going to interview you! No... all things are possible through Christ Jesus my Lord. Only God can heal him...

I cried all that day. I had lost someone really dear to me. I felt so empty. I felt like he didn't even die. Grandpa, no longer here? That just couldn't be. Who's going to tend his garden? Who will be with grandma?

I was then comforted by the siblings... through the tears, they praised and glorified the name of God. They saw that light and comfort God was providing. Grandpa was a child of God, and he had a place in heaven. With the praise songs being sung, and the siblings honoring God throughout this whole ordeal made it all the easier to understand that God is good. Although He may have taken our hero from us, He brought the family much closer. I quickly was able to understand the will of God

The only thing that is still hard for me to grasp was the fact that grandpa will no longer be there. No more big hugs, or an old man in the garden, or the rough kisses because of his unshaven face. I will always have my memories of grandpa, but I know he is a much better place. I know I will see and rejoice with him one day. But for now I just remember him.

The "art" of cursing....

It's not so much of an art, but I noticed it has become a starting branch to many other words out there. What is the point to saying, "F__k?" We're not using it in the correct context most of the time. It also doesn't make us seem very professional as we get older. In a way, it really drags us down, demeans our sense of knowledge, wisdom. Basically, it makes us look dumb, typical. I'm not trying to say those who do swear are what I just described. But to me, the "art" of cursing is not one I'd like to practice. If you had not noticed, my picture is the infamous Speak no evil, Hear no evil, See no evil. And that IS what God had instructed us, as Christians, to do.

Last weekend I was corrected by a friend about swearing. I usually try to keep it out of my vocabulary, but every so often the words slip. However, the word that HAD slipped was not one that would seem too bad. "Da_n" was the word. And although I had not thought much of it, it had offended someone. I cannot recall the verse right now, but in the Bible it says that once you have offended someone, you should cease and stop it in their presence. I had gotten so used to saying "da_n," "bas__rd," "as_," I never thought about offending others, better yet, offending God.

So I have started to read the Bible because Jess and Chris [her friend] had inspired me to. I didn't know where to start. Jess told me that James was a really good book, and I recalled Ate Joy saying that James was her favorite book of the Bible. So I read it, and man was I convicted. My loose lips had always gotten me in trouble with my parents. But I never seemed to put God in the picture. I came across the passage of James 3: 9-12,

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

And there it hit me. How can I praise your name, yet say horrible things about other people? The people that you created. How can I, with the same lips, glorify your name, but say ill words just to get my point across? Just so that my saying has greater meaning? No, that isn't for me. I pray and promised to God that I would glorify Him in all I do.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31

I choose not to say words like other people. I can use a different lingo, make my own up. I have changed "Hay Sus," which is saying Jesus' name in vain in another language, to "AY, lava sus manos," which means wash your hands in spanish. I can compensate with my own lingo. And that is just my personal choice. The old words may come out every-so-often, but I pray that it won't.