I feeling like I'm losing myself. Not to a force, but I feel like I'm losing the essence of me. I feel like I'm losing what makes me, Gianel. Change is inevitable, growth is optional.

Does that apply to me? I believe it applies to everyone. I feel like I'm back in high school, so much internal conflict. There are so many worries that I know I shouldn't be worrying about, so why does it constantly linger in the back of my mind.

I refer to Auntie Agnes' blog about surrender, I really need to pray about this. I feel like I've surrendered, but I know I didn't entirely because here I am worrying about it. That's hard to admit. But it's true. I'm thinking about what my definition is in all parts of my life: home, school, church, relationships. I even found myself asking if I was significant. How sad am I... I know I am significant. God had given me so much and I know the truth, I know HIS truth. but I'm constantly feeding off of the lies of the enemy. Aaron said that I need to stop defining myself as the world would.

I need to sit down and pray, ferverently... because Lord knows I need it. These baby steps I've taken back to see where God leads me, I know, will bring me closer to God. There's a reason as to why I don't do the things I once did and why He presents a different path in front of me. As Leslie Ludy has said, I need to give the pen back to God so that He can continue writing my life... for I am not in control, God is.