But lately I've been feeling so morose. I try not to show it, and I seem to only blog about it. Have you ever seen that scene in movies or cartoons where there's a puppy in the pet store and everyone is picking out the other puppies to take home except for that one puppy that is left behind because it's not the cutest or well-groomed? Or when kids are picking teams to play a game and there is that one last kid, whom everyone knows as the weakest link, but this time they just leave that kid behind and start the game without him because it seems like the game would flow much better if that kid didn't play.
Cheez, I feel like that lonesome puppy or that weakling kid. I should really stop feeling sorry for myself, but I'm trying to pinpoint what went wrong. Why every ministry I was once a part of is no longer something I'm a part of. I used to think it was God trying to close one door so I can open up the door to Trinity, but I don't know if that's it. I have this lonely feeling and I only remember now the advice that I was once giving other people. God is taking aways things because He's trying to call me back to Him.
That's hard to wrap my mind around. I feel like such a horrible person and I can't help but have these stupid feelings, but as much as I feel bad for myself... I can't do anything about it. I need to just get away from it all. I need to refocus because the enemy keeps dangling my fears, worries, doubts, insecurites in my face... all the time. Not just half the time, but seriously all the time.
I think I've cried more than half this day because I'm feeling so smothered by the fact that I'm not involved and that everyone has something to do but me. I need to stop comparing myself and need to drop everything and follow Him.
Easier said than done... way easier. Let's see how this pans out... because I know this going to be a long and painful journey.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet,
and a light unto my path.
Psalm 119:105
and a light unto my path.
Psalm 119:105
