I'm an emotional roller coaster.
I'm constantly bickering and picking fights with a love.
I barely talk to my closest friend.
I'm so bored at home that it's leading me towards craziness.
I'm constantly reminded of my applications.
I'm so distant from Him.
I'm hormonal.

It's just up and down for me. I keep thinking it's God preparing me for what's next. But what is next? My small faith for my own future is having me high then low in an instant. Lord, I want to lift my life to You. Only You can wipe away every tear and give me that comfort I'm looking for. And if You're already preparing me to be alone, away from what I'm used to, then, Lord, just prepare me and give me the faith I need.

I love You. I need you. Though my world may fall, I'll never let You go.

Paul's letter to the Romans

Wow, a real page from the Book of Romans! Paul is awesome for writing most of the Bible.

So I did my devotional today on Romans 1, and wow. I haven't done a devotional for a quite a while, sad I know. But it's really convicting. Paul is so bold in proclamation of the Gospel. As it says in verse 16 (Adult Sunday School's memory verse)

For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes.

Awesome! I wish I could be like Paul, going to prison numerous times, yet having God bail him out like nothing. Paul is an apostle I admire.

The rest of the chapter talks of the unrighteous world and how they know of God yet have deceived themselves into pleasing and glorifying their own needs. I admit, I give into the world at times, but thankfully God's grace and mercy has been there to get me out into His light so that I may be the light of the world and the salt of the earth.

Pedicures

Ahhh... I remember my first pedicure. It was the day before my debut, 18th birthday celebration, I went with Ritz and Jessica to pamper ourselves. It was quite lovely... except for the the fact I kept laughing when they scrubbed my feet with the pumice stone. I couldn't help it, it tickled! And that's where it all started, my love for pedicures.

Unfortunately, they're expensive and not quite as good as the ones you give yourself. But hey, you pay for them to do it so you don't have to work at it yourself. It's an indulgence and there's nothing wrong with that.

Just about an hour ago, I gave myself one after MANY months. And my dogs were begging for one. I trimmed, soaked, pushed, nipped, scrubbed, dried, moisturized and painted them. NOW, they are pretty and ready for some spring time shoes. Hooray!

By the grace of God

Defined above, by Mac's dictionary, is the word grace. It certainly is a word that I, as a Christian, am thankful for. At times I know that I am one of those who have willingly gone against His word, but it is only through His grace that I am free for I have a God whose love surpasses all understanding. He loved me and saved me from the wretchedness of sins.
This morning I watched Chris Tomlin's video for Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) and I just have to say that THAT particular song, always convicts my heart in a way I cannot describe. There's link, and here are lyrics.

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

Infamous "To Do" List

Gah, so much things to do. February's craziness set me back a month.

1. Rec Position Paper
2. collect syllabi for specific classes
3. email syllabi to Jessica Stults
4. Reading for Rec
5. Read Ch. 7 & 8 in physics
6. HW due tomorrow
7. Apply for student loans
8. Look up classes for next semester

I have too much for only being a part-time student. Cheez.

Cheez it's March!

This year seems to be whizzing by! It just felt like New Year's Day in Auburn a few weeks ago. In two weeks, I'll be on Spring Break!

Well I haven't really written here much. I was so discouraged by the negative feedback, that I haven't been able to write my cool blogs. Haha... you know they're cool if you find yourself reading them.

So much has happened in the past two months already. I've applied to two nursing programs, and I think I've got one in the bag, but I try not to talk about it because I don't want to get my hopes up. I've gotten acceptance to that school, a $1500 scholarship and all I need is the OK for the school's program, still gotta wait one more month for that one. I went on my first approved date with Aaron, since we're constantly going out in groups or eating lunch because of school. It was nice to be dressed up and taken out. Home has been okay, trust is still being built.

This year, I lost one of my mentors, Tita Elsa Cabalu. It was very sad to know that the prayer warrior, Sunday school teacher, "mother" (as Aaron calls her) of our church has gone to be with the Lord. It was so sudden, so unexpected. But James brought up a good point, she was so vocal for the Lord, but what more if all the people influenced by her, stood up with her boldness, proclaiming the Gospel? I want to be like Tita Elsa, trying to share the Good News to my hairdresser.

I really miss her though. I miss her joking around with me. I miss making fun of her. I miss her calling me to take care of the kids at Prayer meeting. I miss her not wanting to be in the sun. I miss her packing food for me to take home to my mom, after prayer meeting. I miss her calling the house and saying "Hello Gianel... kamusta ka na? Where is your boy-priend?" I miss dancing with her when we hear good music. I miss her.

I can't believe she's gone. She was so loving, so forgiving. I often wished for my mom to have her loving qualities, to always be that person to say, "let's pray about it." Because that was what Tita Elsa was to me. She provided me with that ferverency for the Lord. I should have asked her to be my spiritual mentor before anything. I could have learned more before all this craziness. I would have driven to her. But I know she is in a much better place, free of all the burdens that this world has. Although I may be a bit envious, I know her work here was completed. She received that hug and greeting, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I miss you, Tita Elsa, but I know we will meet again one day.

PS: I updated my profile a bit. And I was inspired by Liana to put down the books I've read this year. I hope to read much more!