It's the most wonderful time of the year.

This is what happens when you set the camera timer on 2 seconds because you want to take a picture of your cute makeup with you cute dress. That just equals NO BUENO.

RIP Blue Car.

It was 8:02 AM, Tuesday morning. I am at a light at the corner of JS and Hickey. My RPM goes down, so I press on the gas. Then as the light turns green, I step on the gas but my car doesn't move. It was dead. Unable to move.

So my car died yesterday morning. And I don't think it will be revived. It was once, but I need a new engine, which will set me back like $2500. So no thank you. I guess Sam will be picking me up now. Sam-TRANS!

I will miss my rough mornings with that old car. From when I was still an only child to my first couple years in college, that car had treated me well. I didn't even have a picture of my car. So I tried to find one that looked my like it, when I cam across the picture above. [SIGH] I hope my car is in car heaven.

'89 Honda "BLUE CAR" Accord
Dec. 88 -Dec. 07
"Come on, baby! You can do it!"

Annoyed.

Right now, I am writing my portion of the paper on prostitution in Thailand. My part of the paper explains and analyzes how families and intimate relationships play a part in the sex trade. This is all for my Sociology class, which I am probably getting an A in. [How could I not get an A, the quizzes are extra-credit / open-note / open-book, plus the exams are open note!] Well, I have the crazy group member who is riding my back about my portion of the essay, and how it's going to affect her grade if I don't give it to her on time. I mean I guess you can say she is being a good student. But the way I am perceiving her is, "GOOD GOLLY WOMAN! You probably have an A, and my part of the paper will get done. So DON'T WORRY!!!!" I mean come on. It does get to a certain point when asking becomes nagging. I really dislike her for that. Geez lueez! Why do I have to be afraid to open my email?! WHATEVV... I should get back to typing, she might track me down at home...

In the nippy-nip of it all.

I haven't written a blog in, perhaps, almost a month. WOW... that is unlike me. I have been so wrapped up with things around me that I have not even found the time to release what's been going on.

Well, this week is the last week before finals. But to me, it seems like my finals week are put into two. This week alone, I have about five exams. FIVE! Nutrition by tonight, physiology lab and sociology tomorrow, contemp sex Thursday and psychology on Friday.

I am really stressed out. But my stress level has been almost equal to my laziness level. I have been so apathetic in getting things done. I have a paper due this afternoon and I haven't finished. I need to finish my Global Awareness Project by tonight so that I can email it to my group. I need to at least START on my nutrition lectures before I can take the exam. As well as complete the study guides for soc. and lab.

But this is the only time I have to spare. Stop being lazy, Gianel! And Lord, I pray that you give me strength to handle these with a successful outcome.

DEEP INSPIRATION. DEEP EXPIRATION.

Tres esquelas.

I just realized. I'm a student at three different schools this semester.
I'm a student at San Francisco State University, City College of San Francisco and Consumnes River College.
Wow... high five me!

True Friendship.

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

John 15:13

Many times, and I say many times, I have been troubled, let down, disappointed by my friends. I was thinking earlier, "Wow, I don't even talk to some of my friends anymore." I feel like I've failed them when I see that they have gone astray, or that I am behind in achieving something. But I know that I will always have my brothers and sisters in Christ. The ones who give you the best kind of advice, the one that comes from God. They don't use their personal judgement (well they may a little) and you know that their advice is sound because you know it's not really coming from their lips, but from the word of God. I have a friend whom I am (or was) really close to. And as time came, we grew with each other, spiritually and physically. But as we got older, we chose different paths. And because of that our values changed. I'm not saying that I am totally better than this person, but I was disheartened by my friend's choices in life. It seem like they had gone astray, not really walking the narrow path. I thought I had voiced it out before, but it seems like it needs to be done again.
I opened up this with John 15:13, I was thinking really hard about that one because it's true to say that everyone is going to disappoint you at one point or another. But who else would you turn to if the world had it's back against you. Those would be lonely times, most definetely. But if it weren't for the life I have in Christ, I know that I have the best friend of all... Jesus. Yeah yeah everyone says that. But if you examine it, Christ died for you and me. He didn't just do it so that it could be another story in the Bible. But He sacrificed himself so that we can be with the Father in heaven. I no longer have to do good deeds or be a good person just to enjoy eternal life. I'm not saying that I won't be a good person, but what John 3:16 says:

For God so loved that world, that he gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life.

God sent His ONE AND ONLY son to die for me, you, the world so that we can be with Him in heaven. And it's the free gift! All you have to do is believe that He did. He's the greatest friend! He sent His son to be born and perform all these wonderous miracles. Then God watched his son be tortured, beaten, crucified, ridiculed, spat on, humilated, made fun of... all at our expense. What kind of friend do you have? I know I could probably die for a few friends, but just a few... not everyone. Christ did it for us all. Who then constitues as a better friend. I'm gonna say it.. He's better than me. And I'm glad that He is.

I once was speechless, but now I've found it.

It was Johnny Boy's birthday yesterday. And he turned 15, I can't belive it... it's making me feel old. HAPPY BIRFDAY JOHN! I actually just came home from John's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese [hey, it was fun!]. I had cantata practice before, and I was losing my voice last night. But while I was at Chuck E. Cheese, I all of a sudden lost my voice. The kind where you can't talk. It was so weird, but I got it back after an hour. WEIRD, HUH? Well anyways, all the youth went on over to John's house, where his mom cooked a feast and I ate some more. I most definetely had a blast!
Well I am really really stressed, but I seem to be procrastinating. You want to know why? This week is going to be a killer:
1. Agree/Disagree paper DUE TUESDAY
2. Immigration paper DUE TUESDAY
3. Sociology test #3 TUESDAY
4. Psychology test #3 WEDNESDAY
5. Physiology test #3 FRIDAY

On top of all of that, I have to make up the dance for Kaye's Debut which is on Saturday. I haven't even finished half.... cripes! But I hope I do it on time. Okay, imma start it now.

PS: My memory card doesn't work, so I can't put up a picture of the cool prizes I got from Chuck E. Cheese.

Oxy-MORONS!

Giorn showed Aaron, Aaron showed me and I IMed it to a few people... but I gotta post it here because it makes me smile =) even though it's a bit messed up.

[tear]

I was going to make "The Tour of My Bedroom: par deux," but I couldn't find the darn iFlip. I cleaned my room and everything! Stupid crap... I guess it will have to wait until next time.

Darn those thoughts.

Okay, so I've been looking back. And I must say that I do miss it. "Skin-hungry." But if I was that girl you say I was, then the effort isn't there. I made it halfway, now it's your turn. Or might I say that it was... I got to "thinkin" because that was basically the third strike. You weren't out in my books, but you made yourself out. But it's koo, cuz I know I am well taken care of. And I truly hope you are happy with your path in life, once again.

Ambiguity is key.

Sleepless nights.

Last night was Halloween. I was a flower in a flowerpot and it surprsingly worked out. Ate a lot at the Harvest Fest. Got some candy, then lost it =/ Didn't go to class because I had a sleepless night. Why, you ask? Hmmm... well there's this point in a girl's life where she reaches the peak of her estrogen level therefore releasing the inner lining of the uterus and .... Yes, sorry to say, but I'm not ashamed to admit it. I had such HORRIBLE cramps last night. I woke up at 3:38 am, had a tummy ache and thought..."aww crap." Went to the bathroom did my business and took night-time-drowsy medicine to knock me out along with 2 Advils for the pain. Well I felt the pain and I didn't sleep! I spent the rest of the night in the most random positions with those stupid cramps, moaning about how I hate being a girl. I even got up and regurgitated, not food, but bile. It was an unpleasant experience, but that last trip to the bathroom helped me knock out. Good... it was around 5:15 at that time. But yes... hopefully tonight's rest would be much better.

PS: The picture has nothing to do with what my blog was about. But while searching for a pertainable picture, I came upon this one.... THE DOGGY IS SOOOO CUTEE!!!!

Post Secret Sunday.

I like to read celebrity gossip blogs because I feel like my life has no shareable gossip. Plus, it makes me feel better about myself.

Tienen Hambre.

I am mighty hungry right about now. And that turkey leg looks pretty good. It makes me wanna drive down to Disneyland and get one of those succulently roasted $6 turkey leg. GARLGHGHHH..... [<- basically doing what Homer Simpson does]. MmMmM... but NO! I must not. It's too late, I wouldn't be able to digest it tonight and it's midnight. I must not give in. I'll drink my water and go to sleep.

But it looks sooooo good!

Good Afternoons!

I must say that today I had a very good afternoon. Not meaning, "Good afternoon," the greeting, but the afternoon that was genuinely good. This morning started out tough, had an exam that I studied for all weekend. But went to psych (by myself because Ray was studying instead), and I saw the hot T.A. Then Regina and I decided to go have lunch at Elephant Bar and at the corner of Holloway and Juniperro Serra, I saw Monick and Uncle Eric. And he gave us a ride to my car! Holler for laziness! I ate good food, and got a cute, fashionably cheap dress from Forever 21 (err... XXI). I don't know what I am going to wear it for, but it's cheap and cute! Anyways, Regina and I saw some really cute shoes at Payless... and I wanted them, but none were my size plus I had no money! Its koo tho... cuz I went to class even I didn't want to and the teacher goes up to me and said that she really liked my paper and that it was really good. I knew it was okay, not THAT okay. Woo for surprises! Then I returned my jacket at H&M because it was too similar to my other one. I'd rather have more diversity in my closet! When I returned it, I got it 30% off but they gave the full price back! The girl noticed it too, and I don't know why the computer gave it back in full. So basically, I made a profit! My mom said that that's stealing, but the girl noticed the receipt. Maybe I should be a good girl and give it back... maybe. But hey, I have money now...

Walk on by.

One of the most favorite past times I developed in college was watching people. Having been on campus with so many people, you sort of just cannot help but TO look at people. You look at what they're wearing, if it's cute or not. You see if they took time to get ready, or just got up and went to class. You notice if they try to look presentable or look like they are about to go to the club. You examine how they walk and carry themselves. But most of all you notice how their face looks. "She's cute." Or, "wow... he's mighty fine!" A little bit of "WOAH... why are you so hot?!" And every-so-often the "Oh my gosh... did you see her face (hand gesture around the face), what's wrong with it?"
Watching people has become a, sort of, past time because when I'm by myself, with my own thoughts, I wonder who the people around me are? I don't know them and I probably never will. But if you look enough, and have that same route, you tend to see the same people on those specific days. Don't take me wrong, I am no stalker. But looking at people is satisfactory to me. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's sad. Othertimes it is a bit awkward. Or it is rewarding. You see that girl with "meat" on her back, or the guy in the bookstore. How about the guy you see in government class? Or the girl who parks where you park everyday, and walks down from Junipero Serra to HSS with you. The guy in the hat. The guy from your friend's gym. The girl who dates someone you know. Or that clique you can always see together.
I think that watching people walk on by gives me a perception of where I am, and who I am. I know how I dress, and what I can probably be perceived as. It's a game that changes everyday as you observe the life around you. (I must say once again, I am no stalker... it's just a game!)

I wear my sunglasses as you walk on by.

"Let me take you down...

"... cause Im going to
Strawberry fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever."

Selene imported the Love album by the Beatles last night, and now this song is really stuck in my head. I actually am listening to it right now, for the 4th time since I sat down to write this. It's a great song, but the blog is not going to be about this blog alone. Perhaps is may be a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

What's been going on in my life? Hmm... let's see. School, I'm really nervous... I'm going to apply for the nursing program this month and I am really nervous. I know for a fact that I am most definetly NOT getting into the program, but a little part of me wants the school to make a mistake and pick me. Stupid GPA isn't a 3.7. I disappointed myself. And right now I am not doing as well in school as I want. But it's so hard balancing so many classes. I have to finish writing my english paper by tonight [It's also Tiff's birthday party, I highly doubt I can make it, well maybe for an hour]. Then afterwards I want to study for my physio lab midterm and sociology midterm, which are both on Tuesday. I really hope I get A's on both, I need the GPA boost.

Besides school, I am having fun getting free movie screenings. I got three so far, but I only watched two: Dan in Real Life & Lars and the Real Girl. I didn't notice that they both had life in their title. They were both good movies, but Lars was really REALLY good. Ryan Gosling is such a great actor. He has stepped it up since Mickey Mouse Club and Breaker High.

Let's see, my spiritual life has been going. Neither up nor down. I feel like I am at a steady pace, and that is not where I want to be. I'd rather be going up. But the Bible study last night reacquainted me with the verse from the book of John 3:30:

He must increase. But I must decrease.

I spoke out last night, and I know it was His words that came out of my mouth because when I stop to realize what I said, it hit me. What I said was in response to the passages that we read, stating that we are free people but we should not take advantage of this. And that when are invited to a feast, we don't seat ourselves next to them and boast about ourselves. And I think that THAT is where Christians go hazy. What I had said last night was that we ARE NOT humbled enough, and that we ARE NOT worthy to be seated beside Him. Here we go, being selfish everyday, thinking about what I WANT, what I FEEL, what I NEED. I need to do this... I need to get that... I... I... I... me... me... me. And here comes Christ, dying for our sins so that we can spend eternity with Him. He thought of us first, and we respond with what we else we want. We are his servants. He didn't make us His slaves, forcing us to do his every tasks. He gave us a choice in life, the only thing he asks is to love and bring glory to His name....

***CONTINUATION***

What we were learning was to be humble. We dissected the part of Psalm 23:3, "He guides me in paths of righteousness for His names sake." We do things for HIS name sake, so that we can be righteous. How so? I see it as doing things for Him, so that He is accredited properly because we as human are not able to do things on our own. God gives us the strength, the knowledge and the talents to do things. We in ourselves may find joy through it, and that is what God wants, but who are we to take credit for something that we didn't do ourselves. It's a bit selfish. How can we be selfish with a God who is selfless. WOW... I do that all the time. I am selfish. I like the bring attention to what I had accomplished. It feels good. But I didn't do it on my own. God allowed me to be sucessful, or he allowed me to fail. I usually only see Him when I fail because when I did it "on my own," I feel all powerful. I need to be humbled. And I pray that is what those out there do as well. We, of course, cannot say that "I am humble," because the moment that you do, you become proud. I pray that I, and others out there can be humbled before God. He sent His ONE AND ONLY son to die one of the most horrible deaths, the only way to repay is by just glorifying Him in all we do. He did put us here for a reason, and allowed us to keep on going. Yes... those are my two cents. What are yours?

Stealing Internet.

I am currently at work, writing a blog. And usually people can do that, but my office doesn't have internet. But thanks to Dr. Pia for her laptop and CManalo (related to Allen?) for having an unsecured network, I am here able to write. Man, I am excited. I have an info session for the BSN program at Canada @ 4 and hopefully I can make connections there through my dad. AND... I got a free screening for the movie Lars and the Real Girl. I have been wanting to watch this and KOO-KOO-KAH-CHOO a free screening was emailed to me. It was weird though cuz it was from this Christian movie/media thing but anyways, IT'S FREE. I have been getting a lot of free screenings lately. But yeah. Alrighty going back to work...

Ahhhh poooperz.

Today is Tuesday, my longest school day of the week. I usually have Contemporary Sex at 8-9:25, then I go home or stay at school with Regina and Ray. And then I have Physio lab at 2-5 then Sociology at City, 6-9. BUT... today I was supposed to go stay at school and have chinese with Regina, Ray, Marisol and maybe Anjie (I usually don't stay so i don't know everyone's schedule). But I didn't finish my lab report so I had to go home and finish it. So from 10-1:15, I did my lab report. And I did my make-up, I was looking mighty scary after staring at a screen for 3 hours, and headed off to class. (Might I add that God let traffic clear for me and gave me all-day parking!) So I came into class late, and LO & BEHOLD... all we had to do was turn in our lab. "Great! What am I going to do for a good 4 hours!" is what I said to my lab partner. But it's okay, I got to know my lab partner more, and i now have a possible study group. Woot. So I sit in the MAC (media access center), checking my e-mail and writing this blog because I forgot that I can't do my nutrition homework without internet explorer (btw I'm using a mac). I would take a picture for you readers out there, but there are too many people around me to open the photobooth. alrighty then... here is something I have not said in years:

Ta-ta for now,
Ti-ti for later!

Stupid MySpace.

Everytime I sign onto myspace, I get distracted. Be it homework or anything else. But one thing that bugs me most isn't myspace, it's the fact that some people, some persons, are given chances. And I guess that when a chance is given, after multiple times, there is some sort of expectation. Well that is what I had, an expectation. That they would be able to hear me out, make me laugh, be a friend. But apparently that's just "too much to ask." BOO-HOO. I'm not sad, but more like irritated. I guess that's what you get for being a sucker. GAH! It's okay... there are other things, people, that will make me happy. God will bless me with the happiness I need! But I am happy!

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

I know I've posted this picture before, but it was the only heart-felt birthday picture in which all the cousins (at the time) were in. Well, Happy Birthday Grandpa! It would have been your 91st birthday! I still cannot believe you are not celebrating here with us, but who am I to be sad. If anything I should be jealous, you are spending your birthday in happiness, for you are with our Father in Heaven. WOOT WOOT.... high five grandpa! Well, I haven't blogged in a week [that deserves a wo-wo-wee-wo-wo in my book] because I have been mucho busy with school, church and bahay stuff. Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

"I want to hold your hand..."

So on Friday, I watched Across the Universe. And I must say that it was artistically beautiful. Not only was it a musical, which I tend to love, but it was shot in a beautful way. It's movie that takes place in America during the time of the Vietnam war, so you know it was during those anti-war, hippie, drugs and alcohol days. HAHA... "pink punch." I watched the movie again with Selene, being her 4th time, and the rest of the youth group. UMM... just to let you know beforehand, this isn't really a family movie, there is some nudity and drug references. Other than that, the movie got me singing and wanting the soundtrack + the Love album by the Beatles. "I want to hold your haa-aa-aand.... I want to hold your hand." I highly recommend this movie if you appreciate musicals, wonderfully done scenes and love stories. And I end it with this (there was a correction, it's not coo-coo-cachoo):

I am the walrus.
goo goo g'joob
goo goo goo g'joob

(Sorry I have the same picture as you, Regina. I couldn't find another one.)

Taking a breather.

OVERLOADED TOO MUCH THIS SEMESTER! Since when did I become such a square. I have a paper due at 8 am tomorrow, in which I have not started. I haven't started because I'm busy studying for my nutrition exam which I have to take today before midnight. Oh my guli. Not only am I overloaded on homework, I missing my favorite tv show just so I can finish up with my slides... HEROES... don't worry I will watch you tomorrow. I will blog about JT concert later, all I can say is: beautifully awesome.

HAY SWEET CHA CHA!

LOL. I just looked at Sharee's myspace, now I can't get rid of saying "sweet Cha Chat" outta my head. SO, after butt-tired-frickin-long day yesterday, I slept for a good 13 hours. Yes I did. Now I'm lazy as ever, excited for Justin tomorrow but sad cuz I have so much homework to do. blahhhh. Okay, I will do my english, then type up my lab assignment, do my nutrition, and then write my sex paper. That's pretty much it. God, please let me be able to do this all!

Sighs of relief.

I have this diamond ring that my mom gave me, which used to be hers back when my dad gave it to her when they were dating. I always wear it on my right ring finger and I usually only take it off when I shower. However, I woke up late for school this morning and I left it on the window sill, above the toilet. I came home this morning after class wondering wear it was. My finger felt naked without it. It wasn't in the window sill anymore. So I went on to my next two classes later that afternoon, still worrying about where it was. "My mom is going to kill me. I hella love that ring!" I got home from school and rummaged throughout the bathroom. Garbage, no. Plant on toilet, no. Make-up bag, no. Sink area, no. Floor, no. Under rug, no. I went on to my bedroom. Nowhere. Suddenly, I remembered that when my dad sees that my jewelry (usually that ring) out, he takes it and pute it in their jewelry drawer in their room. I knocked on my mom's door, anxiously. Gio unlocked the door, yes he still sleeps with my parents, and I looked into the drawer. I panikced for a quick second and I saw it in the corner. (SIGGHHHHH) I slipped it on my right ring finger and I headed back to my room.

PAR-TAY!!!!

So there's this schindig at my house in Pacifica (not what the flyer says... it's in fairmont!) Let me know if you wanna come so I can make sure you get fed!

Why am I such a square?

When did I did become an L7 weeny?! This stupid semester is gonna get to me. I swear all I do is go to school and study. AND YET, I cannot finish or get caught up with my readings. I'm behind in nutrition lectures by one week (it's an online course and the lectures are posted by the week). I have a physiology and psychology exam on Friday. I need to finish my homework, study and plan for the youth party which is this Friday (ya'll are welcome to attend, E:3 will be playing!). GAHHHH!!!! I'm frustrated with school. God please let me be able to manage my time properly.

Okay... I need to have a list of THINGS TO DO:

1. Finish my english homework (resume, cover letter and reader pgs. 66-70)
2. Lectures 3 and 4 of Nutrition
3. Read and study for physiology (Ch. 1-4: EXAM FRIDAY!)
4. Fast for physio lab (four hours: 10-2)
5. Set line-up with Ate Joy
6. Discuss food for Friday with Selene and Ate Joy
7. Study for sociology (Ch. 1-3: EXAM TUESDAY!)
8. Study for psychology (EXAM FRIDAY!)
9. Do Quiz #2 for physio

As Tracy Morgan says in Totally Awesome, "Hah. Hah. WOW!" Um, pray that I don't fail my tests! My sociololgy test is open note, so I should be fine in that. But other than that, I need to concentrate on studying. I think I will be in the library all day at school tomorrow. WOW... can I get an "L-7-WEEEEENYYYYYY!"

Smelling the good.

BOYEEEE am I mad. Well not mad, but disappointed. INTERNET... why do you let me love you, yet you screw me over?! So I had my online exam, and I did it and I studied all Monday afternoon with it. With nervousness, I opened the exam. "I think I know this?" and "Oh! That's in my notes!" were the words that I uttered as I took the exam. Just as I tried to save my answers, the page was "not found." AWW POOP! "Please tell me I can go back!!!" When I did, it said that my exam was recieved. PHEW! But when I check the class website today, a grade was NOT posted for my first exam. So I emailed the teacher, asking whether or not she recieved me test or she just didn't post it. But it turned out that she didn't get it. She claims that "it happens to at least one student every exam." WHY ME?! I studied so hard! She claims to drop the lowest test score because of this problem. BUT I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!!!!!!!

Whatever. But as I got mad, I looked down at the shirt I was wearing today. I got it at Battlecry 06. It's from Deuteronomy 20:4,

For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.

You sneaky devil, you. I was distracted. But although I am really concentrated on school, the enemy can't bring me down. I would usually be really sad about this... but I am not because will help me recover. Maybe I should challenge the teacher? I don't know... AHH I'm still mad, but it's okay. My iPod is on shuffle and Super Trouper by ABBA just came on, now I feel much happier. I guess God is just trying to stop me from being so busy. And He wants me to take a step back from what I am doing and see Him first. Maybe he wants me to stop and smell the roses He created. "God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.

One legged birds.

While walking in the parking lot to my sociology class at City College, I walked by this bird and it looked like it only had one leg. I suddenly remembered that bird that Regina and I had seen in Centennial Square at State our freshman year. We had seen a one-legged bird and we wanted to find it again! As I walked forward, I opened my phone to call Regina, but I decided to go back to the bird to confirm. I couldn't tell for sure, so I tried to scare the bird so that I would see its other leg. However to my disappointment, the bird had 2 legs. "Darn." I closed my phone and headed off to class with a slightly sad heart.

Boredness @ school.

I have an exam today in my online class. I don't have the book yet, amazon seller didn't send it until last Friday. So I have to take my exam without a book. At least I can have my notes and powerpoint open. Anyways, so I wanted to go study for my exam but the only way you can do that is through Internet Explorer for some odd reason. The library seems to not use Internet Explorer, probably because of the viruses you are able to get. So I went to the library for nothing. I'm just going to bring my laptop next time. I knew I should have. So because of my boredness, I went to the Media Access Center on the third floor just to take these pictures... this is what I do at school. [iHEARTmacs!]

AHHHAA... school is just too cool.

One year: September 17th, 2006

Last summer, my grandpa had gotten really thin, then really sick. It was weird having to go visit him in the hospital and then a rehab center. Every other or two Saturdays, I would leave work early to go visit my grandpa at Eskaton, in Sacramento. I usually only went if my cousins were going. But now I'm ashamed to say that. I spent time with him, but not intimately everytime I saw him. I shoulda spent more time with him. I should have asked him more about how HE grew up. But grandpa was that type of person who kept to himself. Despite the shouting of all the aunties, uncles, cousins and Grandma, he listened to what going on around him, quietly.

My dad usually works graveyard, 4pm - 12 or 2 am. But the night of September 14th, Thursday, he took off early, saying that grandpa was really sick. So he and my mom were off the Roseville's Kaiser Hospital. They came back early that morning, when me brother's and I were sleeping. I had never thought much of it. Grandpa was My Superman. He was turning 90, with no previous sicknesses. There's no way Grandpa's sickness was THAT serious. He was too strong for all of that.

Friday came along, right after school my parents, my brothers and I headed up to Roseville. It seemed like forever, getting through traffic, parking the car in the garage, then walking over to the hospital itself. It was a nice hospital, fairly new. But we were heading to the floor where people were really sick. And then I saw grandpa, lying on his back in bed with his knees bent. He was in so much pain, and that was his only comfortable position. He didn't have his dentures in, and when I greeted him, he smiled and waved me out the door. I stood outside talking with Joe. Everyone left and then Mike came with Uncle D, Auntie Agnes and Sam. We talked and my dad said that we should pray for him to get better. We drove back home that night to San Francisco.

Saturday morning the youth were just about to start Purpose Driven Life, and although it was driven by games and the word of God, all I could think about was Grandpa. "Lord please be with him right now. Please let him be okay. Let Your healing hand work on him.... please Lord." After Bible study, my family and I got some clothes ready (just in case) and headed back to the hospital. While the parents were in the room, the cousins stayed in the waiting room. Then it was getting late, and they took Grandma home... only for her and everyone in the family to be called to the hospital IMMEDIATELY. Grandpa was sent to the ICU, and we couldn't do anything about it. I sat helpless in the waiting room by myself as everyone checked on him... left with my thoughts and prayers. Hours had gone by, it was 2 am. The older cousins had gone to eat at a diner, the chain one I cannont think of right now. We talked and laughed about the good times and enjoyed being with one another. I felt better having eaten, only to be sent to go sleep at Jess' house. All the cousins and grandma were sent to sleep as the parents took shifts at who would stay. It was early AM.

We were then called back by my dad, saying that we need to go to the hospital. The siblings [my dad and his siblings] were talking to the doctor, so Jess and I were sent to go get breakfast for everyone. Only to come back with the whole family in a waiting room. A doctor was asked to come in the room. The TV was on, but put in mute. The chairs were arranged like beds. Mike had his phone on speaker with Kristie. The doctor spoke of what was happening to grandpa... infection... ya ya ya. Then he said something that still brings tears to my eyes whenever I think about it. He said that grandpa only had a few hours to a day left to live. The antibiotics were just slowing the process. Liana, right next to me, cried on my shoulder. I took a few seconds longer to grasp the concept... but then I was soon embracing my younger cousin.

Grandpa. No... you can't be dying. You can't be. Your family needs you! I need you to be here. I was going to interview you! No... all things are possible through Christ Jesus my Lord. Only God can heal him...

I cried all that day. I had lost someone really dear to me. I felt so empty. I felt like he didn't even die. Grandpa, no longer here? That just couldn't be. Who's going to tend his garden? Who will be with grandma?

I was then comforted by the siblings... through the tears, they praised and glorified the name of God. They saw that light and comfort God was providing. Grandpa was a child of God, and he had a place in heaven. With the praise songs being sung, and the siblings honoring God throughout this whole ordeal made it all the easier to understand that God is good. Although He may have taken our hero from us, He brought the family much closer. I quickly was able to understand the will of God

The only thing that is still hard for me to grasp was the fact that grandpa will no longer be there. No more big hugs, or an old man in the garden, or the rough kisses because of his unshaven face. I will always have my memories of grandpa, but I know he is a much better place. I know I will see and rejoice with him one day. But for now I just remember him.

The "art" of cursing....

It's not so much of an art, but I noticed it has become a starting branch to many other words out there. What is the point to saying, "F__k?" We're not using it in the correct context most of the time. It also doesn't make us seem very professional as we get older. In a way, it really drags us down, demeans our sense of knowledge, wisdom. Basically, it makes us look dumb, typical. I'm not trying to say those who do swear are what I just described. But to me, the "art" of cursing is not one I'd like to practice. If you had not noticed, my picture is the infamous Speak no evil, Hear no evil, See no evil. And that IS what God had instructed us, as Christians, to do.

Last weekend I was corrected by a friend about swearing. I usually try to keep it out of my vocabulary, but every so often the words slip. However, the word that HAD slipped was not one that would seem too bad. "Da_n" was the word. And although I had not thought much of it, it had offended someone. I cannot recall the verse right now, but in the Bible it says that once you have offended someone, you should cease and stop it in their presence. I had gotten so used to saying "da_n," "bas__rd," "as_," I never thought about offending others, better yet, offending God.

So I have started to read the Bible because Jess and Chris [her friend] had inspired me to. I didn't know where to start. Jess told me that James was a really good book, and I recalled Ate Joy saying that James was her favorite book of the Bible. So I read it, and man was I convicted. My loose lips had always gotten me in trouble with my parents. But I never seemed to put God in the picture. I came across the passage of James 3: 9-12,

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

And there it hit me. How can I praise your name, yet say horrible things about other people? The people that you created. How can I, with the same lips, glorify your name, but say ill words just to get my point across? Just so that my saying has greater meaning? No, that isn't for me. I pray and promised to God that I would glorify Him in all I do.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31

I choose not to say words like other people. I can use a different lingo, make my own up. I have changed "Hay Sus," which is saying Jesus' name in vain in another language, to "AY, lava sus manos," which means wash your hands in spanish. I can compensate with my own lingo. And that is just my personal choice. The old words may come out every-so-often, but I pray that it won't.

Uh -ohh...

The milk was non-fat. And you know what milk does to me, you know being lactose-intolerant. Mayn, I'm really gassy now. But coffee is sooooooo good! I hope i don't get the poops.

In the midst of it all...

While studying for my physiology's chemistry review exam [a lot of words ain't it?], many distractions came my way. Myspace, AIM conversations, Myspace and Myspace. Well my dear BFF, Selene, came over to bring me a White Chocolate Mocha so that the caffine would keep me up and going, and I must say that it has given me a little boost. But the fact that she took the time to drop it off at my house to make sure I was studying was a great gesture. I love my BFF... and I truly appreciate the role she has played in my life as a best friend, a sister, a Godly leader, a comedian, a person I can depend on, a person who I know looks to God. Selene, I love you, and although you are goofy... I know the true, loving person behind it all. SPANKS FOR THE COFFEE!!!!!

LoveSounds...

I screamed as I watched this, in excitement to see him live and up close.
JT_HBO

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Gettin back into routine...

\After an enlightening, fun, and God-oriented weekend, I feel like I want to escape and do that all the time. So, my family retreat was an experience that I will always keep in mind. It was about Psalm 23, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want..." Although it is always discussed at funerals, it is such a beautiful passage that I have come to overlook. Well, the weekend was great. They brought back the teams and games... and i am one to say that I co-led a team to VICTORY!!! Green team, baby! But it was really good in the end. I got to know people better, meet new people and have interesting conversations with other people. It has been such an encouraging weekend. I must say that I have grown to love my church and what it has instilled in my life.


But now it is back to reality. Back to waking up @ 6:21 [I like to set my alarm for random times], back to a school full of liberals, back to much homework and so much more. GAH... it's only the first day and I already have a review exam in physio. The professor wants to make sure we know our chemistry, so we have to review it for a "short" exam. MANN.. college just smacked me in the face! Now I know that I am going to be busy for the rest of the semester. The week is probably the easiest week of the school year. And that isn't a good thing!

Good Weekends Make Me Smile. [*EDITTED*]

Ahh... this was a weekend that has made me smile a lot! Not only did High School Musical 2 come out, but I was able to get out of the house and be productive. So I watch High School Musical on Saturday because I was unable to watch it Friday since I had Bible study. As I screamed for joy throughtout the entire movie, I got ready for the last minute invitation to the Family Retreat meeting at Papa Butch's. But all I did there was watch HSM2, run around target and draw on an e-mail header. It's koo tho because the family retreat is this Friday and I'm excited to hear the speaker, Pastor Jay Jackson! I went home at 2 in the morning and it was hard to wake up for church that morning.

But I'm glad I did, the message that Tito Ron spoke about has just allowed me to see myself in a way that I could carry myself in a more positive and Godly way. After church, I headed to Kenneth's birthday BBQ at San Bruno Park. Not only did I get picked up by JR [i miss him mucho!] with REGINA, but i got to hang out with my high school friends and "you can bet on it" that I had the time of my life! After the bbq, Jovi, Queena, Kathleen, REGINA, and I headed to my house to watch HSM2 again! And of course we sang along with it, duh it was the sing-along! Afterwards, we played the best game ever TURBO CRANIUM! Yeeeup! Me and Kathleen won with the help of REGINA, thank you very much! After party was at JR's where we watched Jovi and Queena conquer Allen, Curtis, JR and Bday Boy Kenneth in beer pong. You go girls. Then I played charades/Cranium with James, Regina and Kathleen with some pretty tough topics by Juli. It's koo tho, we got most of them. Took some pictures and them headed home, but not without a locker with honorary member #2, Curtis. Fun times!


This weekend was one that I have not had in a long time. And I'm glad that I had it before school started. Yeeup. Oh yes and I dedicate this blog to Troy Bolton jumping from a rock to sand, grabbing it in his fists then opening his hands into jazz hands while he says "You can bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on me!"

SORRY REGINA... I luh you, bet on it!

"You're breaking my heart!"

That infamous line from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith is my quote of the night. Saddened by the news that a person whom I am close to has just made me really disappointed. That promise you said means nothing? It was to our hero!!! Does that mean nothing anymore? Gah... disappointment, heartbreak and shock took over me this past evening, and all I can do is nothing. Now I'm the oldest, and I carry that with pride until I lay in bed with that ring on my finger.

EIGHT!

THAT IS HOW I AM GOING TO LOOK THIS SEMESTER!!! You wanna know why? I bet you wanna know why. WELL... most of you know that I plan to take Nursing and I plan to apply to other colleges for the Nursing program. Well in order for me to apply to most of the schools I want, I need to have completed ALL the pre-requisites. So all I thought I needed was Physiology and Lab, my segment 3 classes and English. But then I needed to add the lab for physio since it was full. And other schools I was looking at required psychology. So I added that one, then I found out that I needed nutrition for other schools as well. So I registered for it at City since it was full at State. However, I talked to Kristie and she told me that she took nutrition online at American River College. So I registered for it as well. Then she called me about her instructor's name and the college she took it at was American River's sister college, Consumes River College. So I registered there as well. And today I just figured out that I need Sociology!!! AW CRAP... that means I will be taking eight... 8... EIGHT classes!!! I could drop my segment 3 classes because I don't really need it right away. I'm not taking anything spring semester, so I guess I could take it then.

I need to pray about this. Hopefully, I get into Sociology next Tuesday. And I hope I find out which Nutrition class I'm going to keep. LORD, I pray that Your will be done. I shouldn't fret because I know You will take care of me.

Applications.

With my parents' VISA in front of me, I try to look at schools so that I can apply to them and their nursing programs. However, in order to apply, I need to have FINISHED the pre-req's before applying. LAME... I guess I will be doing this again in couple months.

Sickly.

Being sick sucks because you don't wanna go anywhere. I don't have any energy to to things. Boo. But as I sit at home, alone because my fam went out to dinner late, I reflect on things of the past. Well I pretty much think of this thing everyday, and I always wonder, "What if...?" And all I can come up with is that God knows the time and place. But my impatience has got me thinking... and that is not always a good thing. GAHHH... my tummy turns when I see, think or try to grasp it. Being sick has left me with my thoughts for much too long.

Dead-o.

My car died on Saturday. I don't know if it will be revived. I hope so, or maybe I'll get a new one. Other than that, I guess i will have to be bumming rides once again.
'

Pasalubong.

So after trying to figure out how to spell that word [took me a good 5 minutes], I have a story. By the way, that word [pasalubong] means like a souvenir. So my friend, Justin, went to Hawai'i and asked me what i wanted. Of course, I was being modest, you know, not asking for anything. But he said to name something, and after some thought, I asked for a pineapple from the Dole plantation, because the Dole Plantation is only in Hawai'i! I figured he wouldn't be able to get it since it was food, and all those restictions that they have on the airplanes... yad-yad-yada.
Well anyways, so I this past Friday, I see Justin [after quite a while] and I am surprised by a pineapple from the Dole Plantation! WOW... I actually didn't think he would get me one. But to my surprise, he did! I wanna eat it, but I don't. We'll see what I do in the coming days.
THANKS JUSTIN!!!




That pineapple better be from the plantation, or I'd be really disappointed =/

LAA-DEE-DAA...

laa-laa-laaaaaa... i am done with summer school! YIPIDEE-YEEEEEEEEEE-HAW! my professor would always sing, "Laa-laa-laa..." while he was setting up for lab. I just finished my first-ever, college summer course. and i must be one to say that it was as bad as it was cracked up to be. i only had to concentrate on one subject, although it was a chapter a day. mehh.. whatever i am done!

Plans for my first weekend of summer:
Saturday... i plan to relax and head off to Fairfield. There, my family on my mother's side will commemorate the 4th year anniversary of my Uncle Boy's death. i know it may sound like something sad, but it really isn't. Uncle Boy had salvation. He knew where he was going when he died. Although it may have been the most sudden death I have ever personally experienced, it was one that brought friends and family together. I remember walking down the halls of ICU, staying up late, living in the waiting room for 5 days, sleeping at his empty house. I havan't shed a tear about him since that year, and now I am. I miss my uncle and him always calling me "Baby Girl." I can never appreciate anyone else calling me that now. Wow, this blog's direction has turned around. But yes, I will be heading to Fairfield to be with family and my cousins, whom I haven't seen since my debut 2 years ago.

Sunday... i know i have church, but i think i'm attending the meeting about the family retreat. i really don't know what i am doing there, but i like to listen to the adults make fun of each other in tagalog. it exercises my bilingual mind.

gahhhh... summmer just started and i feel like it's almost at an end. I need to UTILIZE this time! Jess's cotillion is this coming friday [not tomorrow] and i don't feel prepared, and not yet too excited [unlike laura's last year]. gahhh i need to rest.

My Guilty Pleasure.

Oh man. Do I have a guilty pleasure or what?! So ever since the end of my senior year in high school back in '05, I started to wear sunglasses on a regular basis, during lunch, during car rides... etc. once i graduated i got these cool ass Chanel wannbe ones, but i broke them. But it was only last year where my bad luck with sunglasses ended. So many times before, i had lost a pair in Disneyworld, lost a pair [but found it after] at the Boardwalk, left a pair in a TapEx Ritz goes to [thank God they recognize her and gave it to her]. I broke like 3 pairs because of screws, cheap-o-ness and the fact that i don't take care of them. Well last year I put an end to that!

So I bought these cool sunglasses from Anchor Blue because they reminded me of my old Chanel's, but different. However, I hated the fact that people could see my eyes since I love to look at people when I walk around State's campus. I couldn't stare at people when they could so me! So I got a new pair, one where it was still trendy and cheap... thanks to Regina and her pointing out of New York & Co. However, that was still not enough. That summer my mom convinced me into getting a pair of REAL Gucci sunglasses because she bought one and wanted the other one too. So she told me to buy them so we could switch [that sneaky fox!]. Well, those sunglasses became my baby. I love those sunglasses to death, but i needed a pair that I could throw around and not realy care about, so thank God Tito Ron get me a pair of cute sunglasses as a souveneir from Vegas. I could mess around with that pair all I want, but i kept it in a case just in case... because of my bad luck.

But today, I woke up bright and early just to go meet up with Doods and Monick for Nordstrom's Anniversary sale @ 7 am. Not only did they have free donuts, but there was a mad sale for sunglasses. SOOOOOO... of course I would be dumb not to look, and I found a pair of Gucci's and a Juicy's, but i decided to buy the Gucci's because they were black and I needed a black pair. Not only were they on sale, but they were less than $100!!! mayn do I love my sunglasses... What can I say... they're my guilty pleasure.
I must say that I am the biggest dork in the world for taking a picture with all my sunglasses on... doing the Blue Steele look. LOL at me.

This is going to be a busy week.

As I TRY to quickly email Ate Joy the list of attendees and their email's, I get distracted by trying to import my hotmail contacts to my gmail account. And then reading my fellow bloggers', Regina and Selene, blogs. On the radio my summer theme song has just ended, you know, Summer Love by the one and only JT. And now it is is party like a Rockstar. Mayn.. I need to hit the books, i have A LOT of studying to finish! Not before I take a picture of myself "studying." I'm pretty sure that's what I look like when I do study.

GAHHHH!!!

bleh!!! man, i'm heated right now. i was on a spirtual high, and now my brother has ruined it with his poor attitude. so blah-dee-blah, it's really nothing. he asked me to wash the dishes today when it was his day because yesterday i washed most of the dishes. i swear i did. i washed when i woke up because i didn't wash the night before. and it was while mom was cooking, so you know she added a lot. and so i complain a bit but i wash it, today, anyways. then after band practice today, i ask him nicely to wash the dishes and clean up since i did most of the work [cooking/cleaning/helping my mom/ singing] while he was "practicing" in the garage. so he complains and says "it isn't even my day!" okay first of all, what bugs me the most, is that if i have to wash the dishes on his day and i am asked to i say that saying once in a while, but IT GETS DONE! when he's asked, he always says it and tries to compromise something. he never has it in his heart to offer, okay like once when i had a final. but that was it, i think i even asked him before hand. whatever. i was talking back to him and he was doing the same, and like WOW... that goes to show your respect. i mean i talk to you that way and you have the decency to talk back to an elder, let alone a girl, that way? it must be true, how a guy treats his mother and sister is how he'd treat his girlfriend/wife. i dont know. i just pray that God calms me down to think rationally because i can't at this moment!

It's just one of those days.

You know how you have those days where you feel like crap. gahh, i guess i can say that I am having one of those days. So my frustration level is pretty up there. First of all, I have my first exam in Anatomy. ARGH... i feel so unprepared, and writing this blog isn't helping me prepare.
Plus, my youth band. Gah do i love 'em, but many times, well, a lot of the times I feel like a don't belong. I mean I enjoy singing and all, but I'm not as talented with the voice as Selene is. I can't "let it out" because that's all I CAN let out. My voice is my voice, there isn't anything I can change about that. The voice thing isn't the only part that makes me feel weird. Okay, I'm not trying to say that deserve a solo or anything, but the fact that I am never given a part, or that I am passed up, kinda gets to me. I don't really want to glorify my name and announce what a great singer I am, because I am not that great of a singer. But to be asked WOULD make me feel like i am part of the band.
I just feel like i should hide in the corner right now. I mean, I'm not all emo, about to cut myself. But i just feel like that isn't my cup-a-joe. Although I may enjoy it, I don't feel like I should be one behind the mic.
Not only do I feel like an alien to my band, but after a "rejection" with my friend, I feel a little saddened that he is uncomfortable with being friends. I miss his presence, but what can I do if the relationship is just viewed with one direction or none? Nothing, that's what. I guess studying should take my mind off all of this.

Bruised once more.

you know i can say that my heart has been bruised again. i don't easily put it out there, but when i do, it is with nervous-ness and faith. but too many times has my heart lead me astray from God. I can, now, honestly say that i shown what i believe in and although it may have been hard to say and hear, i know that God is good and that He has only something [someone] better for me. it could be that person in the future, it could be someone from across the world, or it could be someone i already know, but i know that someone is going love God first and foremost in his life.

Emo-ness.

First and foremost, I must say that I am NOT emo. But it seems like everyone around me is getting bit by the Emo-bug. I'm not here to make fun of them, or take pleasure in their pain. But COME ON! Get over whatever is bothering you, if you really have a relationship with God, it would be easier to let go, and let God! I know its easy to say, but I honestly think that letting God take care of your worries is so much easier. Putting faith back in Him has shown me how good he is. And typing this, I have come to realize that I should not be the one who is making my decisions, but I should be letting God. He is good and the plans He has for me is much greater than the ones I have more myself.

God, I just want to thank you for letting me get into Anatomy! I was wondering what i could do, how i could get in, then I just started to stop caring because i most likely would not get in. But last night i prayed and realized that i shouldn't be asking God to put me in the class. i prayed that His will be done. If it is in His plan that I become set back in school, there's a reason for that. [sigh] this blogs are such a good way to release what i have bottled up.

Dreams.

Remembering what I had dreamt about last night makes me smile. I dreamt of the only and only Justin Timberlake and going to his concert makes me more excited to see him in September. WOOT!!!

So the dream goes like this. The concert is at the Cow Palace and I'm supposed to be meeting Jessica and Regina there. But i somehow forget the tickets at home because i just came from church. so i get in, but i only have the receipt but they wont let me in. i convince my parents to bring me home. and i tell Regina over the phone, but she got in for some reason. and so i come back and the concert is about the start but the stage is like a movie theater, stadium style and you have to stand in the fron in front of the stage. the Pussycat Dolls perform in the aisles and Justin is about to go on, but no one is there. Jessica says she's gonna be late and i don't know where Regina is. And that is all I remember. Oh yes and that I am front and center at the concert saving a spot for them, even thought there are only 20 people on the floor.

Whatever... i know that the concert will be WAY better than that!