It's just one of those days.

You know how you have those days where you feel like crap. gahh, i guess i can say that I am having one of those days. So my frustration level is pretty up there. First of all, I have my first exam in Anatomy. ARGH... i feel so unprepared, and writing this blog isn't helping me prepare.
Plus, my youth band. Gah do i love 'em, but many times, well, a lot of the times I feel like a don't belong. I mean I enjoy singing and all, but I'm not as talented with the voice as Selene is. I can't "let it out" because that's all I CAN let out. My voice is my voice, there isn't anything I can change about that. The voice thing isn't the only part that makes me feel weird. Okay, I'm not trying to say that deserve a solo or anything, but the fact that I am never given a part, or that I am passed up, kinda gets to me. I don't really want to glorify my name and announce what a great singer I am, because I am not that great of a singer. But to be asked WOULD make me feel like i am part of the band.
I just feel like i should hide in the corner right now. I mean, I'm not all emo, about to cut myself. But i just feel like that isn't my cup-a-joe. Although I may enjoy it, I don't feel like I should be one behind the mic.
Not only do I feel like an alien to my band, but after a "rejection" with my friend, I feel a little saddened that he is uncomfortable with being friends. I miss his presence, but what can I do if the relationship is just viewed with one direction or none? Nothing, that's what. I guess studying should take my mind off all of this.

Bruised once more.

you know i can say that my heart has been bruised again. i don't easily put it out there, but when i do, it is with nervous-ness and faith. but too many times has my heart lead me astray from God. I can, now, honestly say that i shown what i believe in and although it may have been hard to say and hear, i know that God is good and that He has only something [someone] better for me. it could be that person in the future, it could be someone from across the world, or it could be someone i already know, but i know that someone is going love God first and foremost in his life.

Emo-ness.

First and foremost, I must say that I am NOT emo. But it seems like everyone around me is getting bit by the Emo-bug. I'm not here to make fun of them, or take pleasure in their pain. But COME ON! Get over whatever is bothering you, if you really have a relationship with God, it would be easier to let go, and let God! I know its easy to say, but I honestly think that letting God take care of your worries is so much easier. Putting faith back in Him has shown me how good he is. And typing this, I have come to realize that I should not be the one who is making my decisions, but I should be letting God. He is good and the plans He has for me is much greater than the ones I have more myself.

God, I just want to thank you for letting me get into Anatomy! I was wondering what i could do, how i could get in, then I just started to stop caring because i most likely would not get in. But last night i prayed and realized that i shouldn't be asking God to put me in the class. i prayed that His will be done. If it is in His plan that I become set back in school, there's a reason for that. [sigh] this blogs are such a good way to release what i have bottled up.

Dreams.

Remembering what I had dreamt about last night makes me smile. I dreamt of the only and only Justin Timberlake and going to his concert makes me more excited to see him in September. WOOT!!!

So the dream goes like this. The concert is at the Cow Palace and I'm supposed to be meeting Jessica and Regina there. But i somehow forget the tickets at home because i just came from church. so i get in, but i only have the receipt but they wont let me in. i convince my parents to bring me home. and i tell Regina over the phone, but she got in for some reason. and so i come back and the concert is about the start but the stage is like a movie theater, stadium style and you have to stand in the fron in front of the stage. the Pussycat Dolls perform in the aisles and Justin is about to go on, but no one is there. Jessica says she's gonna be late and i don't know where Regina is. And that is all I remember. Oh yes and that I am front and center at the concert saving a spot for them, even thought there are only 20 people on the floor.

Whatever... i know that the concert will be WAY better than that!